Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
