Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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