Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
