Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
