every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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