And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
