i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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