I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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