he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
