After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
