So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
