Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
