The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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