theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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