drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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