Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
