I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
