Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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