I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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