its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
