2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
