I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I came so hard my ears popped.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
