my vag is so smooth its legendary
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm really busy with my period
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