i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
