And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
