I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
