take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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