We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
