I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
