Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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