I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
