Moan for me like Helen Keller
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
