my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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