I wish I could teleport
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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