I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
are you so shy because you have an std?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
