bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
