and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
