How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
