Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
