i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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