hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
