so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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