I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
