Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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