I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
