Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
