We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
