I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
