Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
