Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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