Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
