He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
