I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
