So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
