drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
