They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize