Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
