I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
