i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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