My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
