what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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