I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
