i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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