Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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