If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
