the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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