A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
