You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
