I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think I just sharted jello shots
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