Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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