Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
