And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
