my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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