btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
