Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
