Acid is not a monday night drug
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
