So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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