Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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