you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
