Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
