Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
