Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize