so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
