last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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