Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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