We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
