If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
