I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was confusing and full of hummus
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
