His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
