I am midnight drunk by noon
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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