I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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