My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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