I just made out with a guy for $7.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
