i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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