Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
